Five of the Coolest Methods of Video Game Transportation

A vital component of most video games--especially open world games--is some sort of method of transportation. While most games have some sort of mount or vehicle, some games go a step above and give you a really awesome form of transportation. Here is a list of five of the most excellent forms of transportation in video games. These made me squeal with excitement, or feel like a total badass while moving around my video game world. The only rule here is that the method of transportation had to be beyond ordinary.

Actually, that's a lie. There is another rule. For the method of transportation to count on this list, it needs to be directly steered, controlled, or piloted by the gamer. 

1) Four Horses of the Apocalypse (Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare)

While Epona is my favorite horse in ANY video game, I have to say that the downright coolest equine modes of transportation are the Four Horses of the Apocalypse in this DLC for Red Dead Redemption. I’m particularly enthusiastic about these mounts due to the fact that I’ve always been interested in all types of mythology. The task of collecting the horses, combined with their really awesome designs, put them on my list. And how can you not think it’s completely badass to ride around on Death, who causes zombie heads to explode as you speed past?

2) Loftwing (The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword)

Though the Loftwing is not Epona, the Loftwing is pretty excellent (I promise, this is going to be my last Epona reference today). In Skyward Sword, Link flies the special Crimson Loftwing—he’s your primary mode of transportation around Skyloft and the rest of the world. The Loftwings are shown to have personalities—something that is rare for mounts in video games--and are representative of their riders (even down to unfortunate haircuts). While the mechanics of this birdsportation is similar to many other mounts, the gorgeous environment surrounding your flight elevates travel by Loftwing into excellent status.

3) Mako (Mass Effect Series)

The Mako is my favorite “traditional” vehicle in video games, probably because I drive like a maniac (don’t worry, I don’t IRL). It handles pretty much any damage you can do to it, and will right itself whenever it’s flipped over. It’s pretty much the perfect all-terrain vehicle, which means that I can drive it through almost anything and still end up where I want to go. Conceivably, as long as you don’t drive off a chasm, or into lava, the Mako will get you to your destination (this is a guess, as I have yet to destroy the Mako). It means that there’s nothing stopping me from getting from Point A to Point B—at least, nothing that the mass accelerator cannon can’t handle. Finally, I will leave you with two words that will solidify—beyond a doubt—the fact that the Mako belongs on this list: propulsion jets.

4) DaVinci’s Flying Machine (Assassin’s Creed Series)

I found the transportation choices in the original Assassin’s Creed game to be underwhelming. Everything took forever, and my horse would often disappear, requiring me to make people very cross when I stole theirs (and, sadly. being shot and stabbed at can slow you down quite a bit). It seemed like they were trying to make amends when they introduced the Flying Machine in Assassin’s Creed II. Unfortunately, the machine has to go through a few iterations before it can be a truly reliable method of transportation. For example, you learn early on that it’s susceptible to flames—despite needing heat to maintain altitude. Eventually (in Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood), Ezio also takes it upon himself to destroy all of the more effective Bomber flying machines, ensuring that the Borgia will not be able to use the Bombers against him (or anyone else they’re being jerks to). Still, the Flying Machine is a fun ride in all iterations (except, perhaps, the tragic first attempt), and awesome to use while you have the chance.

5) Portal Gun (Portal)

What do you mean, the portal gun isn’t a form of transportation? Of course it is! If I had a portal gun I could get from my bedroom to the kitchen in two seconds flat. Heck, if I had a portal gun, I could conceivably get from anywhere to anywhere in no time at all (assuming the walls were portal gun compatible, and I didn’t accidentally shoot the orange portal twice). The portal gun is a truly revolutionary form of transportation, and one that needs to be invented for realsies. I would save so much on gas money.

Well, that was my Top Five list! And I know I am missing a heck of a lot of excellent methods of transportation. What do you think should be on this list?

Five Characters Everyone Loves (That I Can't Stand)

You'll have to excuse the necessary-for-length hyperbole that I put in the title--this would probably more accurately be entitled: Five Character That Most People Seem to Love, Enjoy, or Look Upon Favorably (That I Can't Stand).

This was an idea I was working on shortly after my Five Most Heartbreaking Character Deaths list, mostly due to the Harry Potter books. When choosing a character (and the runners-up) from Harry Potter, I immediately thought of Dobby. Mostly, I thought of Dobby and then rolled my eyes. I knew a ton of people who were crushed by his death, while I pretty much rejoiced. When Gab commented that Dobby was on her list, I knew I needed to put out this list. And so I begin where I should, with:

1. Dobby

I recently picked up Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets again. I thought it was strange that it had been so long since I had read the book--I usually re-read the Harry Potter books a couple times a year (it only takes me about three night to get through one book). I don't think I've read Chamber of Secrets since the first Deathly Hallows movie was released. Once I started reading the book again, though, I remembered why it's been a while since I picked it up--I can't stand Dobby. Chamber of Secrets would be my second or third favorite book if it wasn't for Dobby. I just found the character annoying, and thought that everything would have gone pretty much the same way (if not better) if he had just stayed home (except for, you know, that whole Malfoy-slavery thing). His speech patterns annoyed me, the way he tried to help but failed miserably annoyed me, and his constant self-flagellation annoyed me. I may have felt bad for him the first couple of times (it was so long ago I don't remember), but it quickly became more annoying that pity-evoking. It probably doesn't help that most of the characters typically look at him as a nuisance, as well. In short, I can't stand Dobby, and I was glad when he was finally gone.

2. Severus Snape (Harry Potter)

Oh, Snape, you're so sassy.

People like Severus Snape for two reasons: they love that he's a jerk, or they think he's adorable and a soft-hearted teddy bear after learning about his love for Lily Potter. Either way, I think that this affection for Snape is misplaced. And this isn't so much because he's an asshole--I love plenty of characters that are jerks--but because of the direction of his assholery (made-up words for the win). This guy's just a straight-up bully toward children. He derides them for their intelligence (or lack thereof), makes disparaging remarks about their physical appearances, and even threatens them. And some of these kids are as young as eleven! I'm not the biggest fan of kids, in general, but it still begs the question: What's remarkable about a grown man who has to be cruel to children?

3. Ashley Williams (Mass Effect)

Miranda seems to be a popular character in this type of list, but since I haven't played past the original Mass Effect yet, she hasn't made my list. Ashley Williams--a soldier in the first game and a member of Shepard's squad--has, though. I really haven't read anything negative about Ashley before, which kind of surprises me. I've basically stopped putting her on my squad, despite the fact that I originally thought that she was a pretty bad-ass character. Since meeting her, though, she's begun to rub me the wrong way. Pretty much everything she says is bitchy, she's constantly complaining about things, and I think she might be a little bit racist. So while everyone else seems to like her, I've been avoiding her.

4. Spider-man

You always have to say something, Spider-man.

Spider-man in the movies has his own problems, but I'm talking about the character as he is in the comic books. I have a fairly irrational hatred of Spider-man, I'd admit it. My dislike toward Superman is inherently more understandable, but even I have a hard time articulating why I don't like Spider-man. I guess his characterization just rubs me the wrong way--every time he opens his mouth and is supposed to be funny, I find him obnoxious and annoying. He's probably the reason I grew up to be a DC girl instead of a Marvel fan. The first comics I read were X-Men (and I still enjoy X-Men), and then I moved on to Spider-man. I promptly put it down after a couple of issues and moved on to the Bat Family. X-Men remain the only Marvel comics I read, save a few universe-wide story lines that I'll pick up once they're published as graphic novels or collections.

5. Robert Baratheon (A Song of Ice and Fire)

Sure, he was a good friend to Ned Stark and sure, you have to feel bad for people when they get murdered, but Robert Baratheon has few good qualities and many bad qualities. As they say in the books, the only thing he had going for him as king was that he wasn't the Mad King. Robert is a drunk and, according to Cersei's recollections, was often sexually violent in these drunken states. Sure, there's no spousal abuse back in Westeros, but what he does to her definitely qualifies. I'm certainly not a fan of Cersei, at all, you don't have to put someone else in her place to realize that this is not a desirable quality in a person. Secondly, Robert condones--and even orders--the murder of children. He's so vengeful that Ned Stark believed that he would kill Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen for their mother's wrongs, which is why he warns Cersei and tells her to take the children and leave (keep in mind that Joffrey, despite being a douchebag, was only twelve). He's also a negligent father (to his "legitimate" and illegitimate children alike) and an extremely negligent ruler. All he does is eat, drink, and have sex. Most people just shrug, affectionately writing Robert Baratheon off as Ned's drunk buddy, but I think he deserves more criticism than he gets.

Do you think I missed anyone? Or that I'm completely off-base with my opinions on a character? Let me know in the comments!

Etsy Tuesday: Decals

That beauty that you see here is HAL. Why HAL? Well, I already have GLaDOS (my tablet) and Skynet (my laptop). She's (yes, she) not quite complete yet--I have a new fan, video card, and power supply coming later this week--but she's all prettied up on the outside and ready to share. You probably recognize those vinyl decals from last week's Legend of Zelda Etsy Tuesday, and all I have to say is how happy they make me. Yes, yes, I know it's not important--functionality determines whether or not a computer is good. But in a few days HAL will be a god among computers, and will obviously be The Whole Package. Thanks to pretty Zelda art.

Thanks again to the Decal Ninja shop for making me so pleased with a purchase!

I've always toyed with putting decals on my laptop, but ultimately decided against it (what, with the fact that I use it mostly in a "professional" capacity. Professional is in quotes because I'm a grad student). Now that I have decals on my HAL, though, I'm really hankering for one for Skynet. So here are some decals I'd consider for my laptop. 

This Etsy Tuesday is a little hurried because I have 98,000 things to do in the next it-seems-like-forever-but-is-really-just-finals week. Instead of skimping on the goods, though, I'll mostly shut up and let you enjoy the awesome geekery.

1) Sold by My Geekery, found at this link. 

$5.00 USD

2) Sold by Perfectly Aligned*, found at this link. 

$5.00 USD

3) I also love Perfectly Aligned's Smaug decal.

$3.00 USD

*Perfectly Aligned has decals that fit on either side of the tracking pad, which is probably more useful for the girl who is trying to be discretely geeky at work!

4) Sold by ECK Designs, found at this link.

$6.50 USD

4) Sold by DisaDesigns, found at this link.

$5.00 USD

5) Also by DisaDesigns, this is ADORABLE.

$6.75 USD

Of course, all of these shops have plenty of different designs, so shop around! You know I love to. 

In other news, I've been playing Mass Effect on HAL and I'm pretty sure I'm legitimately addicted. I found myself playing last night without making the conscious decision to open the game and start it. And then I realized I'd been playing for an HOUR AND A HALF. This is all when I shouldn't have even turned on HAL, let alone started playing games.